Craig Freshley is a professional meeting facilitator and trainer, Quaker and resident of Two Echo Cohousing Community in Maine. Craig believes that good group decisions don’t just require good group process; individual beliefs and personal actions also have a huge impact. To learn about Craig and his work or to check out all the tips Craig has written, visit his website.
In principle, when someone comes into a meeting or a negotiation with an already-established position, it limits prospects for creative, innovative, win-win solutions. When I state my position on an issue early in the discussion, my focus thereafter becomes defending my position and trying to persuade others to agree with it. I might even get side-tracked into defending my pride rather than considering what is best for the group. On the other hand, if I am able to speak clearly about my interests (what I would like to get out of the issue without attachment to a particular way of getting it), and I am able to listen openly to others' interests, we have a much better chance of all getting what we want.
Practical Tip: Focus first on what you really want rather than how to get it. If you are leaning toward a particular solution, peel back a layer, dig a bit deeper, and ask, “What desire in me does this solution attempt to satisfy?” Ask yourself, “What is my fundamental interest here?” Identify what you are really interested in, give it words, and speak the words to others. Listen carefully to their words about their interests. As a group, hear and understand all interests before crafting solutions.
In principle, big ideas are always the result of putting our heads together. Really big ideas are already out there in the heads of many people, just waiting to be put together. Without sharing my ideas among fellows and without openness to new ideas, I am a prisoner of my own limitations incapable of more than I can imagine.
Practical Tip: The group is best served when participants are humble. You probably do not have all the best answers, and if you do, it is surely a small matter. Talk with others about your ideas and their ideas. Release your ideas, let them be criticized, and let them be built upon. Trust the wisdom of the group. It is okay to not understand everything; that it does not all fit in your head. Be open to ideas and achievements beyond your imagination.
In principle, groups make their best decisions when no single person knows what is best for the group. There is a sign in a meeting room that I know of: “No one in this room is smarter
than all of us.” When I go into a meeting already sure of what the outcome should be I am apt to focus on getting my way rather than on what is best for the group as a whole. Knowing in
advance how things should be closes off the potential that things could be better than I can imagine.
Practical Tip: At the start of every meeting, say to yourself: “I do not know what is best for the group.” Begin with an open mind and remain open-minded as long as possible. Maximize the
value of your contributions by giving up ownership of them. Release the need to take credit and the need to be a victim. Simply play your right-sized part as best you can and watch the group's best potential unfold.
In principle, if we want our group decisions to be creative, that is, to result in new and better ways of doing things, we need to draw on all our resources and blend them in new ways. Typical meetings are structured to put our heads together, and indeed, our knowledge and ideas are a tremendous resource. But we have others. Why not go further and put our hearts together – share our feelings, stories, fears, and passions? Further still, why not put our hands together and do actual, physical activities as a group? In principle, a group decision process that includes intellectual exchange, sharing from the heart, and hands-on physical activity is most likely to yield creative results.
Practical Tip: Don’t just do brainstorming – try heartstorming also. Don’t just sit and talk about stuff together, get up and do stuff together, with your hands. If you want truly creative group decisions, share ideas, feelings, and activities... all three.
In principle, when everybody understands and plays by the same rules, the experience is much more likely to be fun and rewarding than when people make up or assume their own rules and not everyone understands the protocol. Like playground rules posted on a fence, meeting ground rules encourage playing safely, having fun and including everyone. Group decision making is more efficient and achieves better results when we have shared expectations.
Practical Tip: Establish ground rules at the start of every meeting - such as with a simple list of 10 or fewer statements about how you all agree to behave in the meeting. The group might make a list from scratch or might discuss and revise a list proposed by the facilitator. Many groups use the same set of ground rules meeting after meeting. All participants should be watchful for compliance with the ground rules and politely point out violations. Review the ground rules regularly and do not hesitate to make additions or changes. Make sure new people understand the ground rules.
In principle, gratitude is all about attitude. Gratitude is a choice we make to see good in ourselves, our situation and the people around us.
Discontent arises in me when there is a gap between what I have and what I want. When the gap is large, I am apt to try to close it by getting what I want. Advertisers know this, so they breed discontent. They try to persuade me that what I have is not good enough, and if I just had more and better stuff, I would be happy. Similarly, I am sometimes seduced into thinking that people around me are not good enough and that if they would just change their behaviors, I would be happy.
It is okay to want things to be better, but it is not okay to put down ourselves, our situation or our group in order to justify selfish behavior. A person lacking gratitude is likely to be a drag on good group decisions.
Sometimes getting what we want leads to happiness, but the surer way to close the gap of discontent is to look with gratitude upon that which we already have.
Practical Tip: Take stock of what you have and see the good in yourself, your situation and your group. Imagine how things could be worse. Reach out and help someone less fortunate. Say thank you.
In principle, there are basically three ways to influence the choices people make. You can regulate what people cannot do and punish violations. You can offer incentives to encourage certain choices. Or you can provide accurate information that rings so true it compels good choices.
If you believe that for the most part people want to do the right thing, the most effective and peaceful method of influencing good decisions is to provide good information so “the right thing” becomes self-evident.
For example, historically Maine has had one of the highest teen smoking rates in the nation. We have made laws against teen smoking and imposed punishments for violations. We have attached penalties to smoking such as high taxes on cigarettes. These methods have not worked very well. Only recently have we seen the rate dramatically decline, and that has been because we launched an information campaign that has made clear the detrimental health effects of cigarette smoking. We have provided good information on TV and radio. For all those that “want to do the right thing,” it has been clear what the right thing is.
Practical Tip: Provide all decision makers with the best possible information about the issue being considered. Good, truthful information is terribly compelling. Actually, good information is the only thing that is truly compelling and results in good, sustainable decisions.
In principle, the chances of making good group decisions are greatly increased if all the participants believe there is good in everyone. We are more likely to do well if we look for the best in each other. For some, believing that there is good in every person is a moral conviction. For others, seeking and bringing out the best in people is just plain practical.
Practical Tip: Act as if there is good in everyone, even when it is not apparent. Treat every person along your path as if they are special. If you believe in God, act as if there is that of God in every person.
To act this way is to give the benefit of the doubt. It is to assume best intentions. It is to be attentive, respectful, supportive and encouraging. When you look for the best in people rather than the worst, it makes them want to be with you and work with you. When a group is relentlessly seeking out the best from within each person, people give their best to the group and great things are achieved.
In principle, to make good group decisions we need to hear all perspectives. We need to be able to openly disagree with respect and civility. We need to have the courage to speak what is on our minds and hearts even in the face of opposition. When a group’s culture makes it “not okay” to voice certain views, or when participants feel intimidated about sharing, those suppressed viewpoints do not go away; they just fester and turn into conflict later.
Practical Tip: Help create a group culture that encourages open sharing of all points of view. Offer encouragement and support to those who express minority opinions, even if you disagree. Stand tall and speak your own truth, and be genuinely open to considering others.
Expressing our differing opinions gives us a chance to understand each other better, to talk and inch toward resolution. Suppressing opinions might appear peaceful in the short run, but it inches us toward conflict over the long run.
In principle, good group decisions are creations. Creativity comes from putting together two or more things, events or ideas. Germination leads to new creations. Like water with a poppy seed, fertile soil facilitates and supports the interaction. Fertility helps creativity.
Practical Tip: Make your decision-making environment “fertile.” Through the design of meetings and communications, facilitate the interaction of multiple ideas. Make a culture of support and nurturing for new ideas. This might be done through ground rules or operating norms. Be consistent in their application. Uphold and stand by your ground rules in all situations. Deliberately attend to and nurture the environment in which you are trying to grow.
In principle, moving quickly often seems like a good idea, but moving quickly in the wrong direction simply gets you to the wrong place fast. Most groups have a high need for quick achievement. We have all heard someone say, “Enough talk, let’s just do something!” And we have all seen groups charge off quickly and with much enthusiasm…in the wrong direction.
Practical Tip: Even when under pressure to accomplish something in a hurry, resist the temptation to achieve a quick, although possibly shabby, result. Quality group decisions, like anything of quality, require up-front investment. Determine your objective before springing into action. Spend some time planning. Read the directions. Check out the map. As Bob Dylan says in Hard Rain, “I know my song well before I start singing.” No matter how slowly you go, if you are headed in the right direction you might eventually get there.
In principle, peace comes through shared understanding, and shared understanding comes through listening. If you hear things incorrectly, or not at all, you are likely to proceed on false assumptions which are likely to give way later and cause conflict. The best way to ensure good listening is to demonstrate it.
Practical Tip: Are you listening? Prove it. After you have heard someone say something, demonstrate that you heard the person and understood what was said. Saying “I understand” is not a demonstration. (1) As you listen, show that you are paying attention with silent expressions and perhaps an encouraging word or two. (2) After hearing, reflect back what you heard. Ideally, repeat the main points, use a mix of the actual words they used and some of your own, and try to name the feelings expressed, such as: “My, that must have made you feel ________.” Let the speaker judge if you got it right. If you missed, no problem; try different words and talk it through until you “get it,” and the person agrees that you get it. The ultimate demonstration: act in ways that prove that you listened and understood.
In principle, the center of a circle is equidistant from all points on its perimeter. We need to know the edges in order to know the center. To know what is centrally acceptable to a group of decision-makers, it helps to know what lies beyond the outer limits of acceptability: what is unacceptable.
Practical Tip: Share wild ideas. Make bold proposals. Be provocative. Know that the group is actually well served when someone responds, “Now that is going too far,” or “That is stepping over the line.” Like a flashlight on a dark basketball court, shine it all over to find the boundaries.
If you are having a hard time defining how something should be, work for a while on defining how it should not be. Try stuff on so you know what does not fit. Explore side roads so you know which ones dead end. Work inward from what you know is out of bounds.
P.S. Do not become attached to clothes that don't fit or roads that lead nowhere.
In principle, consensus among the whole group is worth the effort for decisions intended to transcend generations. Consensus is achieved when every member of the group understands and consents to the same thing. It is much more arduous to make consensus decisions than it is to make majority-rule decisions or executive decisions. However, consensus decisions are much more likely than majority-rule decisions to last because of the full understanding and consent among all members. When there is real consensus about a decision, there is no disgruntled minority working to change it later. For a group deciding its mission, values, or high-level policies – all intended to endure for future generations – taking the time to develop consensus among all members is worth the effort. Deciding what to have for lunch – a decision that lasts only through dessert – is not worth the effort to achieve consensus.
Practical Tip: For every decision, consider how long it is expected to last and choose an appropriate method. Be deliberate about using consensus for some things, majority vote for other things, and delegate the short-order things to individuals. We can let a few of the members make short-term decisions on behalf of all the members because we trust that these decisions will be in keeping with long-term decisions decided with the consensus of all the members.
In principle, consensus generally means that all perspectives are heard and all concerns are addressed so all participants can willingly consent to those decisions. Many groups aspire to make decisions by consensus, but very few have specific protocols in place to guide its implementation. There are no “Robert's Rules of Order” for consensus. Groups often plunge ahead resolved to use consensus but with little or no structural underpinnings.
Practical Tip: If you are going to use consensus as your official decision-making method, be specific at the outset about what it means for your group. How, specifically, will you make sure that all perspectives are heard, all concerns are addressed, and what steps will be followed when there is a “block.” Once your rules are decided, follow them with a degree of formality. Structure and protocol are just as important in consensus decision-making as they are in any other type of decision-making.
Being casual about the rules just makes a mess.
In principle, when I am in conflict with others in my group or troubled by a difficult circumstance and I want relief, I have basically two choices. I can either work to change things for the better or I can work to accept things as they are. Both paths require effort on my part. Idle complaints, criticisms or gossip will not help things – they will more likely make things worse. It is helpful to keep in mind that I probably cannot change most things. The only things I really have power over are my own beliefs and behaviors. If I changed my beliefs and behaviors, would it ease the conflict?
Practical Tip: When in conflict, imagine drawing a circle around yourself. Draw it so that the things you can change are inside the circle and the things you cannot change are outside the circle.
Step one: Define the circle.
Step two: Work to change things within the circle.
Step three: Let go of all that is outside the circle.
In other words, define your part; take responsibility for improving your part; do not take on other parts. Working inside the circle – addressing the things you can change – is all about action. It's about doing things differently. Working outside the circle – addressing the things you cannot change – is all about acceptance. It's about seeing things differently.
In principle, when things are not right, a natural instinct is to want someone else to do something different, or to want a policy to be different. Rarely are these the best solutions. It’s easy to think that my problem would be solved if only you would change. It's easy to think that the law or policy, rather than me, is wrong, rather than me. Sometimes laws or other people's attitudes or behaviors need to change, but it is often easier and more effective to change my own attitudes or behaviors.
Practical Tip: Before going to your group to suggest a change in policy, or before going to another group member to suggest that he or she should change, ask yourself: “What is my part in this? What can I change about my own attitude or behavior to fix things?” If, after you have answered those questions and acted on the answers, you still find that things are not right, then ask your group or fellow group member to consider change. Working to change a governing policy just to fix an isolated problem can be very inefficient for many people. Working to change the behaviors of others without a willingness to change ourselves can take huge amounts of energy and may only damage relations. To help the efficiency of good group decisions the first question is not: “What should he or she or they do to make things better?” but rather: “What am I going to do to make things better?”
In principle, 90 percent of disease prevention and cure occurs at home and in families. We all practice health care. We help each other eat well and get rest, and we take care of each other when sick. Only sometimes do we see a doctor or some other medical professional.
Same with good group decisions – 90 percent of conflict prevention and resolution occurs at home and in families. We help each other see things differently, we settle arguments, and we offer compassion and advice to those in conflict. Similarly, in our jobs and in community groups, we all do the work of making good group decisions. Only sometimes do we hire a professional facilitator or mediator.
Practical Tip: Just as you take 90 percent of the responsibility for your own health and your family’s health, you can take 90 percent of the responsibility for peace and good decision-making in the groups to which you belong. To do it well, educate yourself about what really works and try to actually practice what you’ve learned. Also, self-diagnose. Ask yourself, “What did I do today that contributed to a more peaceful world? How could I do better?” Like a sick person visualizing being healthy, try to see yourself as a peacemaker. You do not need a professional license to practice.
In principle, we know we are prone to make mistakes; it is part of being human. And we know that mistakes are our best teachers. Learning from small mistakes prevents big mistakes later. Yet we are prone to cover up our mistakes especially in our groups and make a mess of things.
Good group decisions require humility among group members. I serve my group when I say, “I don't have all the answers and I don't do everything right;” and when I say, “It's okay for others to not be perfect.”
Accepting that we are not perfect frees us to move on from mistakes without burden. Admitting mistakes helps us learn from them and let go of them.
Practical Tip: Be on honest watch for mistakes, perhaps a regular evening recount of the day's successes and mishaps. Try to isolate your mistakes from the mistakes or behaviors of others. Ask, “What was my part?” In the case of a mistake made, admit your mistake to yourself and at least one other person. If an apology is in order, do it.
Humility lightens our load and our outlook.
In principle, if we are a group of equals deciding how we are going to spend our time together, it should be a group decision or at least the group should decide the agenda-setting process. Every member of the group should understand the agenda-setting process and have access to it. In some groups, the agenda-setting process is closely guarded by the majority or the chair and is often used to limit opposition. In most political systems, being able to control the agenda is a huge source of power.
Practical Tip: Establish an open and fair process for setting meeting agendas and make sure everyone knows the process. To maximize creativity, air all perspectives and share power, to make it relatively easy for any new issue or idea to get at least a brief hearing. Some groups reserve a special time in every agenda where anyone can raise any issue, sometimes called Open Forum, after which the issue might be sent to committee or placed on a future agenda. Some groups vote or consent to approve the proposed agenda at the start of every meeting.
Setting the agenda is not trivial. If the agenda-setting process is not formalized and widely understood in your group, it is likely limiting your creativity and your ability to make good group decisions.
In principle, making good group decisions is really hard, a lot harder than making bad decisions. Making peace is much harder than making war. Getting along with each other and making good, lasting decisions takes a lot of practice. “Act” is part of the word “practice.” We do not get better without action. We do things poorly until we can do them well. It is not so important that we succeed, but that we try.
Practical Tip: Practice the principles of good group decisions as best as you can. For guidance ask yourself, “What would a peaceful person do?” Do not just talk about how to make peaceful decisions, or read about it, or think about it, but practice making good group decisions. Most of us are not very good peacemakers but when we try to act as if we were, our world becomes more peaceful.