A day in the life of a single family house

The American Dream? Who has time to sleep?

Wow, the single-family house – what a workout it can be. After 12 years of living in Doyle Street Cohousing in Emeryville, CA, I'd forgotten how hard it is to live in a "regular" house. How do so many people do it and stay sane?

We moved this past summer to a 1,150-square-foot, single-family house with a white picket fence, a detached garage and a dog. We didn't move out of cohousing because we became disenchanted with it, but because we are developing a beautiful new 34-unit cohousing project in Nevada City, CA, where we can be in the woods and in the city at the same time.

Katie McCamant, Chuck Durrett and their daughter Jessie Durrett out for a stroll in Nevada City, CA

Nevada City is charming to be sure, but the whole "single-family house" dream thing is, to quote my daughter Jessie, "like so over-rated." For one thing, you have to shop, cook and clean up just about every night. That also means you have to get in your car, sit in traffic, find parking, play bumper cars, stand in line, find your car, find the exit, sit in traffic and put away the groceries – before you're even ready to start cooking.

It's different in cohousing. When dinner is served in the common house, you just walk on over and eat a home-cooked meal. You might even get to take home leftovers for tomorrow's lunch or dinner or a midnight snack. And speaking of snacks, it's amazing how often one of our neighbors would serve snacks on Saturday or Sunday afternoons, or whenever.

I baked a fresh pear crisp at my new house the other day. Katie, Jessie and I ate some of it, but there was no neighbor with whom we could readily share it without making a big deal out of it or getting into the car to take it to a friend. With cohousers, you can hand them a dish and rock on.

At Doyle Street we had dinner in the common house three times a week. We also usually shared a spontaneous joint meal once a week with one of our neighbors or when the coach of a weekend work day would cook a big breakfast. Or someone would finish up on the common house outdoor grill just as I was ready to add some of our own food. He'd even have some extra squash and show me just how to cook it.

Doyle Street Cohousing, Emeryville, CA

Living in cohousing was so much more convenient, practical and economical – just like we had planned it. And as neighbors, we all experienced the joy of cooperation and sharing, social skills that we had learned way back in kindergarten. In cohousing, Katie, Jessie or I (mostly Jessie) would go knock on doors if we were missing two eggs for French toast or milk for the pancakes. We never had to drive to the store to buy a dozen eggs when we only needed one or two, or to get a quart of milk when we only needed a cup.

So now, for the time being, we stock the fridge with all the stuff we might need, foraging around our 14-cubic-foot refrigerator like a coyote who can't remember where he buried his bone. And did I mention all the leftovers that we ate last week and are no longer appealing, but we won't throw away until they're ripe?

Because we're cooking and eating at home more often, there's a lot more busy work, too. It seems like I'm always cleaning the stove, washing the cutting boards, loading or unloading the dishwasher, or taking out another load of garbage or compost. By the time I finish cleaning up it's almost time to start over for the next meal. It all feels so important at the time, but it's not.

"Jessie, will you please help bring in the groceries from the car?" I ask. "I'd rather finish building our new cohousing than bring in the groceries," she replies. "We're working on it," I sigh.

Nevada City Cohousing is two months into a 12-month construction process. We plan to have dinner six times a week in the common house. I can't wait to get back into cohousing so I can get my life back.