Group Process

These tools of use to groups tackling issues come from Seeds for Change, a British nonprofit that seeks to equip those working for change with better skills.

How do people in cohousing create traditions? How do we mark the major life events of our members, such as births, coming-of-age, marriages and deaths? How do we celebrate community events, such as groundbreaking or community anniversaries? How about birthdays, new jobs or people moving in or moving out?

When a block arises in consensus process, the situation is typically scary for everyone involved, and it can cause so much frustration that it gives the whole process a bad rap. The accepted wisdom says that blocking should happen extremely rarely. Doyenne Caroline Estes says that in 45 years of facilitating hundreds of groups she’s witnessed a correct block less than a dozen times. But less skilled groups often struggle with more frequent blocks. Blocking based on the individual’s personal preference or values rather than on the group’s well-being and values is the most common mistake in attempts at consensus process. What can you do when someone blocks inappropriately? Here are suggestions.

Chuck Durrett, along with his wife Katie McCamant, popularized the Danish concept of cohousing in this country with the publication of their 1988 book. Here Chuck offers an open letter about his personal experiences in avoiding a corrosive aspect of living in community.

One of the toughest challenges communities face is how they reach decisions. Although consensus is the ideal for many cohousing projects, let’s flirt with the idea that there is an alternative decision-making process. “I was ready to listen,” says Sharon Villines of Takoma Village Cohousing (Washington, DC) when she was told “sociocracy is a way to govern ourselves that respects the equal value of all persons as individuals and that produces more effective, responsive, transparent and productive organizations.”

As the completion date of a new cohousing community nears, everyone is usually so preoccupied with construction schedules, escrow, packing, moving and so much more that it can come as a shock that it’s also time to plan how the community is going to do its bookkeeping and budgeting.

The first two years of living in Doyle Street Cohousing (Emeryville, CA), we scheduled workdays one Saturday a month for six hours. There were one or two coaches, and resident volunteers could come or go fixing whatever the coach(es) previously had decided needed to be fixed. It was completely voluntary – and a total disaster.

As you travel the road of cooperative process, you'll occasionally stumble on some pretty big potholes. These often stem from agenda items that seem trivial at first, but end up with the group splintered and bickering. It's amazing how quickly a group can get stuck in a quagmire of confusion and anger.

Most of us don't realize that our wider society is dysfunctional because it's just ourselves, doing what we habitually do, but multiplied and magnified by millions of people. When we see governments or corporations using manipulative, controlling or punishing behaviors, through threats, terrorist attacks or outright war, it frightens and disgusts us. But when we do the small-scale versions of these same ploys ourselves, we don't see it. We may revile "terrorists," but what about our own choice of words and tone of voice this morning with our partner or child? Those of us who think we do these behaviors the least are often the ones who do them the most. The more spiritual we imagine we are, the harder it is to see it.

The use of consensus as a decision-making process has increased greatly in the past 40 years or so. Cohousing groups across America make their decisions by consensus, as do many businesses, university departments, neighborhoods and other intentional communities.

When people choose to live in community, they hold a commitment to a relationship with each other. The value of this relationship – and the energy that goes into maintaining it – is what creates community. People choose this lifestyle expressly to create and experience a sense of belonging to the group. This is the fundamental reason why almost all cohousing communities use consensus, and why it works as well as it does.

It's spring! What better time to introduce some light and lively exercises to help community members get to know each other better or shift the energy during a challenging meeting? Playing games might seem frivolous for community members who are more business-oriented, but these exercises actually can help groups build consensus and make decisions faster.

A quirky fact in the cohousing world is that the most rancorous living-together conflicts begin with the letter P. From parking, paint and pesticides to parenting, participation and process, there's something about “P” that riles folks up. Most recently, our community, Wild Sage Cohousing, tackled “P” as in pets, or more specifically, cats – the indoor vs. the outdoor variety.